by Louise Gallagher
Every morning I have a ritual before I sit down to write. Coffee. Check email. Begin writing.
This morning, I opened my email and found a wonderful surprise. A friend had sent me a special greeting card. Just for me. She's a very special woman. Precious. Beautiful and unique. And in sending me the card, I felt the same. Precious. Beautiful and unique. What a lovely way to start the day.
Which led me to wondering why I don't feel, precious, beautiful and unique every morning -- as the little voice leapt into my head and whispered -- because that would be vain.
Ahhh, the voices of childhood that creep in and attempt to ruin a perfectly wonderful morning.
I remember when my daughters were born I held their precious bodies in my arms and was in awe of the miracle each of them represented. Yet, I looked in the mirror and couldn't see the miracle of me.
I felt so sad. I wanted to see the miracle of me. I wanted to believe in my beauty, my specialness, my uniqueness.
And so, I set out on a journey of self-discovery. I wanted to understand why I didn't see the miracle of me. And I wanted to find my miracle.
It's taken me many years. A. will be 20 in June! L. just turned 19.
And this morning I feel, I believe, I know -- I am a miracle.
In reading my friend's card this morning, I felt the miracle awaken. I felt my joy, my truth, my belief in me explode upon the morning as I greeted the day with a smile, a laugh, a feeling of WOW! This is the first day of the rest of my life. Make it special.
Last night, I sat in a room with 12 men as we talked about goals and dreams and what it takes to believe in the power of an individual to change their lives. The conversation was powerful, enlightening and empowering. Each of those men were homeless. Each of those individuals has lost their sense of wonder about themselves. My dream with Project Forward is that they will embrace the wonder, the joy, the incredible beauty of themselves so that they can step beyond the label of homelessness into the power of being their precious, special and unique selves.
My dream is the same for myself. For my daughters, for those I love and for everyone.
One of the questions I posed last night was, "If you had a magic wand and could wave it right now, what would you change in your life today?"
Most of the responses centered around homelessness. And then one man spoke up. "I want to quit drinking," he said. "If I don't, it doesn't matter what happens when I leave here. I'll be back."
It took courage to say what he did. He had said a similar thing last week and so, I asked. "What if your magic wand could sweep away your fear of drinking?"
He smiled. "I don't fear drinking. I fear being alone."
Powerful.
For this man, being at the Drop-In is keeping him sober. When he's on his own, he drinks. Drink has led to the loss of family. Home. Jobs. His life. This man wants to be sober.
How does that fit in with feeling special, unique, beautiful?
He spoke of what he liked to do in the past. I loved to give to my family. I loved to give to friends. I never gave to myself.
Every thing he said had to do with a past he has lost. He feels that pain and wants to let it go. But fears what might happen if he takes another drink.
His fear has led him to the place he can heal. What an opportunity to grow, and learn and to reclaim the wonder of himself.
For that man, he didn't look at coming to the Drop-In as a gift he gave himself. He felt only the pain of being there. The shame. The sorrow.
Yet, in coming to the Drop-In he has accomplished a goal -- He has quit drinking. He has learned to be sober and in that process, learned that he is worth sobriety.
On the surface, being there looks like an awful thing to do to yourself. The steps to get there are obviously very painful. Yet, one fact remains true -- no one can change the steps they took to get anywhere in their lives.
For that man, the Drop-In has saved his life. In that process, he's awakening to the wonder of himself. After speaking about his drinking he said that one of the goals he had set for himself last week was to eat better. To ensure he ate properly through the day.
"I realize," he said, "that without my health, I will never get out of here. So, this past week, I've taken care of me."
"How did that feel?" I asked.
He smiled. "Really good."
In taking care of himself, he is saying, I'm worth it.
In writing here each morning, in doing what I need to do to live my life with joy and integrity, I am saying, I'm worth it.
When I read my friends card this morning I was reminded that when I live my life without fear, when I turn up and be the precious, beautiful and unique person I am, I am fearless.
When we all turn up for ourselves, pay attention, speak our truth and stay unattached to the outcomes, we create a brilliant light that casts a warm and loving glow on our life and the lives of those we touch.
We are all precious, beautiful and unique. Sometimes, it takes a loving person to remind us -- my friend did that for me this morning. It's important to pass wonderful gifts like that along.
To You. And You. And You. Know that you are precious, beautiful and unique.
You cast a brilliant light on my path that illuminates the world. As you move through your day remember, You are Awesome!
Step into the wonder of being you and spread your joy and your wings and soar!
Originally published on Recover Your Joy March 29, 2007
© 2011 WebOfNarcissism.com
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