Why People Stay in Relationships with Angry People
- You stay in dangerous relationships, attract friends or a partner who use you or hurt you.
- You have to keep secrets or cover up your partner's anger, abuse or addictions
- You feel that you have to make your partner understand how you are and he or she does not care about your feelings.
- If people who are truly your friends are worried about your situation but you are not, you are in denial.
- Your partner expects you to isolate from others, meet every demand, read his or her mind and always give him or her what is expected.
- The two of you have destructive fights where behavior deteriorates to hurting each other with words or actions instead of trying to solve the problem.
- You are supporting someone who is financially irresponsible.
- You have given up your sense of self to meet the needs of someone who is selfish and uses you.
- You long for someone from a past relationship that was unhealthy for you.
A trauma bond is characterized by betrayal that is so purposeful and self-serving it moves to the realm of trauma. Trauma bonds create chains of trust that link a person to someone who is exploitive, dangerous, abusive and or toxic. A person in a trauma bond feels very confused about their relationship, yet they are unable to break free from it. Here are some characteristics of a Relationship that fits this description of toxic components:
1) Relationship is manipulative and exploitive
2) Agreements are ill-defined, unclear and tentative
3) Feelings are anxious and intense
4) Agreements are short term and difficult to navigate
5) Trust depends often on exaggerated or unreal promises
6) Rewards are in the future and often conditional
7) Risk is often one-sided
8) Feelings are absent and rewards are minimal
2) Agreements are ill-defined, unclear and tentative
3) Feelings are anxious and intense
4) Agreements are short term and difficult to navigate
5) Trust depends often on exaggerated or unreal promises
6) Rewards are in the future and often conditional
7) Risk is often one-sided
8) Feelings are absent and rewards are minimal
"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! If you are going through difficult relationship crap, either at home now, or since a breakup or divorce, do NOT get caught up in trauma bond relationships. Stay away from dating others until you pull yourself together. Give us a call instead. Work on healing yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Emotions heal. It’ll take time, just like if you broke your leg it would take time to heal. That’s fine. Two emotional wrecks don’t make for a great relationship."
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